Introducing The Bubble

With the advent of Facebook it has become so very easy to keep up and report in to friends and family all over the world with the daily and mundane.  It gives me a chance the share and blurt out whatever it is that I deem appropriate at the second.  I LOVE it!  But as a means of serious broadcasting when something major or huge comes along…I’m not sure it will suffice.  This is why I am coming back around to my blog.  This is my super secret space to say whatever is on my mind however I’d like without fear of judgment.  You don’t have to be here and if you don’t like what I’m thinking then mind your own business and go read a blog about puppies or ponies or something.  This is my place to data dump and you are invited to watch as I unravel.  You are NOT however invited to judge me.  So if you are judgy, go fish.

I have something seriously H-U-G-E going on right now and I really want to talk about it in my own way uncensored, unjudged, and only to those who really give a crap.  I don’t think that the random former elementary school friend or customer I met once will want blow by blow updates about what is going on in my body and in my head right now. So here we are!

Ok so I promised huge, here it is.  I have a HUGE cyst called a mucinous cystadenoma growing in my abdomen.  And when I say huge I am not kidding.  It has completely filled my abdominal cavity stem to stern and all in between.  This thing is massive people!  I have started to explain it to the kids and we affectionately call it “the bubble”.  It makes the thing sound way more fun than it actually is.  Because I am morbid and I know you are too I asked the Doc to print me a picture of the MRI because it is seriously hard to explain to people how big of a bubble we are talking about.  So here it is:

As you can see by the play-by-play drawings, my abdomen is filled with the bubble.  My girl guts are being pressed down and my stomach is being pressed up.  For all the Mommies, it feels almost exactly like being pregnant without all the hemorrhoids and the fancy baby welcoming parties.  My stomach is being squished so I can’t eat much and the bubble is sort of “jelly” filled do when I stand or lay down it presses and slowly starts to piss off the rest of my inner parts.  It is not fun.

On the glass half empty side, because it is so huge and jelly like they want to remove it as a whole.  What this means is that when I have surgerc they are going to gut me straight down the middle of my stomach, top to bottom, and lift the thing out.  They do not want it to rupture because this type of bubble has a potential to be cancerous.  Now before you freak out over the C word, note I said potential.  This is the story of my life. Since Sister Mary Anne in the first grade I have been told about my potential and never fear because I NEVER fully live up to it.  In this case that will work in my favor!  So even though this bubble has the potential to start the big C show, as history shows, I will not reach those heights.  So stop worrying!  IF it does happen then we will deal with it and I will have a lot more to write about.  So really that fills the glass up a bit.

Glass half full, I am having a surgery to remove AT LEAST 6 pounds of bubble from my belly!  I am going to be so stinkin’ skinny when this is over.  My before and after surgery pics are going to kick ass!  It is going to blow my Advocare 24-day challenge pics out of the water!  I am going to loose so much weight and look so awesome I may even write a weight loss book called “Building the Bubble: How to use your mind to conjure a belly bubble for instantaneous weight loss results”.  You would by that book right? 

My brain is pretty powerful and truth be told, I’m an attention whore.  You all were not paying enough attention to me.  So I just conjured it up.  I thought the bubble into existence and am freaking everyone out so they remember how awesome I am and how sad they would be if I died.  BUT because this is glass half full I will not be dying I will only be getting significantly thinner.  The hilarity in that fact though is this, since they are cutting me straight down the middle I will have a huge scar.  So even if I lost enough weight to actually want to wear a bikini there is no way in hell I’m going to do it.  I’m all about posting gross pictures here to share with you guys but taking that bad boy out to the beach will scare away little children.  Wait!  Scare kids away?  That’s an idea.  Let’s put a pin in that one too for later discussion.  I may be on to something else for my bubble book.

So to recap, I have a HUGE bubble in my belly.  I am not going into a lot of detail on FB about it because I would like to go back to just sharing happy positive things and random bits of sarcasm there.  I have recommitted myself to this blog so that I can use all my words when sharing however I want.  I would love if you would join me on this adventure.

Please be warned though, I am kind of all over the place with my thoughts and emotions. Sometimes I can be random.  I have ridiculous highs with lots of flip sarcasm and bizarre lows with a disturbingly morbid sense of humor.  I created this blog after my daughter was born so that I could just say whatever I wanted to get the insane noise out of my head.  I’ve got a lot to say about the bubble and life these days and so I am wandering back to the blog to ponder.  The beauty of this idea is that you can read if you want to but you won’t have to be bombarded with belly bubble blabber over breakfast. (See what I did there?) 

I am thrilled by the thought of writing again and completely freaked out that so many of you want to read it.  But here goes nothing!